Tuesday, January 26, 2010

(B)Advice, Dog Park Style

A recent entry to Schott's Vocabulary blog discusses (b)advice, or bogus advice knowingly offered to the uninitiated. The entry provides some examples of (b)advice, including tips for newcomers to the Big Apple that are sure to result in some newbie ass-kicking. (Sample (b)advice: Introduce yourself to everyone on the subway car when you board it.)

There is plenty of (b)advice to go around at Dog Park. Here are a few pieces to start the discussion:

  1. Don't bother to pick up the poop; it's natural fertilizer.
  2. Be sure to introduce yourself to the man who lives in the house next to the 45th Street bridge. Take a six-pack. Don't worry if your dog is off-leash. That guy thinks dogs should run free, as God intended.
  3. Bring your female dog to Park when she's in heat. Nobody will notice.
  4. Spread a blanket out under the trees and have a picnic at Dog Park. Serve donuts. If you have small children, be sure they smear their faces with food. The dogs won't bother them.
  5. Toss your used poop bags on the side of the trail. The local park rangers are happy to pick them up as they make their rounds.
  6. Save yourself the trouble of walking your dog at Dog Park. Feel free to sit in your car with the air-conditioning running while your dogs walk themselves. 
  7. Bring on the dogs. All dogs are welcome at Dog Park, including aggressive and badly behaved ones.
  8. Hit "Reply All" whenever you post a comment, such as "I agree," on the Dog Park listserv. You deserve to be heard by 200 people. 
  9. Take time to get to know the people who work in the buildings next to Dog Park. Intercept them in the parking lot. They love dogs, and they'd enjoy meeting yours! 
  10. Join the listserv. Then enthusiastically raise the topic of turning Dog Park into an official leash-free city park. What an original idea! Why has nobody thought of it before? It's a viable option!
I am sure that there is plenty more (b)advice to be shared. If you have some, please feel free to write it in a comment or e-mail me directly at busyzia@gmail.com (That's advice, not (b)advice.) Ta! -z

1 comment:

  1. #8: the best!!

    Pontificate loudly and at length about your political views while walking. Everyone has the exact same opinions as you do.

    Fill your pockets with dog treats before coming to the park. Only YOUR dog will know they are there.

    Don't bother to introduce yourself to someone you have been walking with and talking to twice a day for 6 months now. Knowing someone's actual name is *so* overrated.


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