Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Rules of Dog

One of my favorite Web sites, Schott's Vocab, had an entry about universal laws and principles that are less well understood than gravity but just as undeniable. Here's a sample submission from a post-er named Stan:

"Muphry's Law: The principle that any criticism of the speech or writing of others will itself contain at least one error of usage or spelling." Nice one, Stan.

(A corollary applies to Crazy Guy's sign: "The principle that any bogus warning about the consequences of leash-free dog walking on state land will itself contain spelling errors that reflect the writer's profound ignorance.")

Are there other universal laws that regulate Dog Park? I can think of a few.

The Rain Boot Conundrum: The wearer of rain boots will inevitably discover that precipitation did not in fact fall on Dog Park. Wearer will be teased mercilessly for her/his choice of foot gear.

The Treat Defeat: The only dog that does not respond to the call of "Treat!" is your own, which is behaving badly by running after state employees or in front buses on Bull Creek Road. You, meanwhile, are swarmed by dogs whose owners hate you for tempting their dogs with freeze-dried liver.

The Poop Bag Principle: Whereby the absence of poop bags in one's pocket will cause immediate  and repeated eruptions by one's dog in full view of the parking lot. Public shaming will ensue.

The First Law of Sunscreen: The amount of sun shining is in inverse proportion to the quantity and SPF of the sunscreen you have slathered on or forgotten to apply before heading to Dog Park.

The Primary Principle of Self-Jinxing: A cosmic comeuppance in which you inadvertently summon health problems for your dog (and accompanying vet bills) by uttering the words, "We've gone a whole month without a trip to the vet."


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