Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Dog Parkist: What Is Rain?

Q: Dog Parkist, will it ever rain again?
—Rainless in River City
A: Rainless, of course it will rain again. It always does; however, will it rain in any significant amount before the lakes run dry, the pavement melts, and the people run stark raving mad into the streets? Possibly not. The Dog Parkist has no way of knowing. Yes, there are rumors afoot at the Dog Park about a possible savior in the form of El Nino, which in the fall, with its western winds, may deliver much needed moisture and low air pressure levels that will wring rain from the sky. In the meanwhile, the Dog Parkist and all the other conscientious people of Austin will stare in dismay at their parched, barren lawns; their shriveled tomato plants; and their ruined rose bushes and consider the place in hell reserved for the neighbors who stand barefoot on lush, green lawns and admire their promiscuously blooming hibiscus. (In hell, they shall drink and drink until their bladders are fit to burst and only then discover that there are no bathrooms. Too cruel? I think not.)

Rains will come, my friend, but perhaps not until after you have moved back to Portland or Seattle or Minneapolis or Boston or Syracuse, or some other cold, wet place whose weather and bland food drove you here to Austin in the first place. Think of us fondly as you pull on your waders in order to reach the mailbox. Drink a tall glass of tap water for us, too. An ice cube would be appreciated. Thanks for writing!

Q: The writer of this blog solicited her readers for their opinions about monetizing. I still don't see any ads on the blog. What's the deal?
—Gentle Reader
A: Gentle Reader, the Dog Parkist has been authorized to provide the following answer. Readers' responses in regard to monetizing was overwhelmingly in favor of putting ads on the space. Still, the Writer hesitates for these reasons: 1) the advertising content would not be under her control, 2) the ads posted on other Blogger sites are truly ugly and distracting, and 3) the likelihood of generating any meaningful revenue from readers' clicks is pretty slim. Plus, 4) reading the fine print on the agreement has nearly rendered her blind. While the Writer is deeply grateful for your feedback, she has decided at this point in time to keep the blog free from advertising. How she will afford to reimburse the Dog Parkist for her services remains to be seen. 

Dear Readers: Please limit your questions to the Dog Parkist's areas of expertise, which include dogs, the Dog Park, dog care and grooming, personal relationships, the fine arts, medieval Russian history, American domestic and foreign policy, global warming, world religions, and baking. Ta! 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks, Parkist, for giving us hope of future rains. What an idiot, that Eliot! April is a really terrific month. July and/or August are the ones that are breathtakingly cruel. Also, you're much too modest about your areas of expertise. What about child psychology? What about gardening and composting? Not to mention rat control.


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