Monday, September 21, 2009

Roma: Banned from Dog Park

Warning: This entry contains grossness and anger. Proceed with caution.

Take a good look at that face, people, because you won't be seeing it for a while. Roma is grounded. She is banned from Dog Park until further notice, which means forever. 

Yep. It's true. Because, once more, I let my guard down, and she proceeded to sneak around the outbuildings and eat something that made her crazy sick--from both ends while I was at work. On the living room carpet. Right next to where I eat. And where I watch TV. And where Muzzy chews her Nylabones. I am not pleased. And I have no sympathy.

I got a frantic call from the dog walker during my lunch to tell me about the spewage, but I knew last night as I chased Roma away from the water bucket at Dog Park that whatever she was swallowing would come to no good. It looked like black razor wire, but I have to believe that even Roma has her limitations. It may have been chicken bones. It could have been anything. But I'm telling you, this episode was the last straw for me. In her long life, she has eaten glass (a broken jar of gravy on a sidewalk in Iowa City), rat poison (my neighbors' yard), ant bait (Dog Park), and human excrement (a park in lovely Worcester, MA), and lived to tell about it—although I have sprouted many a white hair racing her to a vet. I hope it tasted good going down because she's going to have to chew on its memory for a long, long time.

So, Roma sends her regards. She'll really miss sticking her nose up y'all's shorts sussing out those treats. She'll really miss having to give you the ol' paw on the knee to get your attention, too. Oh, and the dumpster. She'll miss it--and greasy grass spots--most of all. I know you'll miss her, too. You can write to her care of the Big House--where she'll be all alone during prime Dog Park hours. Muzzy and I, however, will definitely see you later. 


  1. First, Tony would like me to thank you for creating such a flattering portrait of him for my birthday. Second, he would like me to inform you that he and some of the other pooches are forming a Free Roma Coalition. He hasn't given me any of the specifics, but Muzzy may be a target...

  2. Oh No! Not AGAIN! If you would like to have a custom-sewn muzzle I'd be happy to oblige. We could make it cute...


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